I'm too bitter

[Kelpp]

My local group has been...less than I expected.
I've been here for a long time & have met lots of people. Some do not know their boundaries. Some don't know appropriate from inappropriate. The most recent experience I've had has torn me in two. This old woman (who has been a part of this group for a long time) became ill. She needed help. Her group? No one knew. No one helped out. It was a matter of "no one knew therefore it isn't anyone's fault" are they still accountable for the old woman? At the same time, I was getting to know another woman (younger) who decided to be underhanded and used me to get her own way. She is severely mentally ill. I think if i try to tell her how wrong her actions were she'll throw a tantrum(mentality of a 15 yr old) or panic so much she'll fall to the ground/or cry. These or deny to know what I'm talking about.

With these experiences it seems like God is trying to tell me to put some distance between them and me(even though they've been my group for so long). What should I do?

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[Uzumaki]

Hello Kelpp,

After reading your experience, I understand was probably a rough time for you and your group. But now it seems that (in this moment) things have settled and you are now left with questions regarding the future and if the group is right for you. 

You made the subject line I'm too bitter. Perhaps this gives you a clue to what has happened. You have allowed (and this is normal, This happens to me) the energy of those around you to affect you in a negative manner. Separation is always a natural response to this. But it is also very important to never give up on your friends. I do not know anything about this group but if they are close to you and connected to your spirit in positive way, this is something to consider. 

Also, you say that God is trying or may be trying to give you a signal to put distance between them. You must be careful because in my experience God rarely works in this manner. God is within you, part of you. He is also within each of the people in your group and therefore part of them. We are all one connected by spirit, but unfortunately we are separated by the illusions created by human-kind such as by gender, race, culture, and many other things. Remembering the truth that we are all one, throughout the day, brings spiritual  enlightenment to the individual. 

God, of course, wants you to be spiritually balanced and connected with him. This is the one of 2. But he also wants you to love you neighbor as yourself. This is 2 of 2.  If you are unable to be with the group and maintain your spiritual balance. Separation is the answer. If you think you can be in the group and also be at peace then you could go back. Or take some time of separation for your own personal healing (understanding, forgiveness, etc..) and then return to help your friends. this could also be the case. Perhaps these are 3 good options. There could be more. 

It is up to you and your connection with God to make the decision.

may light be with you, Jesse

[Skytiger]

Before I found this group, I was in a group that didn’t want any spirituality or religion mentioned.
They loved to pick on anyone who disagreed with them. And could be viscous doing so.
So after a year I left.
I really do not know how anyone can not believe in Someone greater than themselves.
They seemed to be kids on a playground, each trying to be in charge.
Indeed such a group can bring one down, however knowing that they are where they need to be to learn what they need to learn, I realized that eventually they will want to change by quitting their bad actions and turn them into good actions.

Hopefully I planted seeds their, that some will think about. 

Each of us end up where we need to be in our life journey, both on line and in our everyday life....IMHO

[johngefnir]

Hello kelp. Skytiger talks a lot of sense, however I'm not sure where you are coming from, or for that matter going to. I don't understand your reference to the old lady, if no one knew she needed help how could anyone help? If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one to witness it does it make a sound? And the younger woman who used you for her own ends? 
We all walk our path through life and meet people and encounter various events, some good, some not so good. Nothing happens by accident, there is no such thing as coincidence. All these things are there for us to learn from. No one is accountable for anothers action. Did you help the old woman?

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit.
"Such bad luck," they said sympathetically.
"We'll see," the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses.
"How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.
"We'll see," replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
"We'll see," answered the farmer.
The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.
"We'll see" said the farmer.

It's not what happens around us that's important, the important thing is how we react towards them that is important. We must see life as a learning process and grow and adapt. It's not always pleasant, and sometimes painful, but when we accept that we can't change anything but ourselves we will grow and find peace.
If you feel the group you have joined is not for you, walk away, but the decision has to be yours. In my life I find that you only get out of something what you put in. Maybe you are putting in much and getting nothing back, or are you expecting too much. I too have done this in the past. I have walked away from groups because I was not getting what I expected from them. Maybe I expected too much, but at the end of the day you have to be happy. I now run my own group, I don't call it 'my group' I just call it 'The group', there are no leaders or teachers, we are all students and my aim is for all the  students to be better than me.
I hope that you find that which you seek. There are many paths, there are no wrong paths but there are different paths. There is a right path for each of us. You will know it when you see it.

[Kelpp]

Actually what you guys have said makes sense. @johgefnir i took care of the old woman until she passed.

But when i hear speeches onstage about "we're a big family" & "we are in this together" it makes me angry(the older woman was like family to me).
It makes me wonder about God himself. Would he support me during hard times? Would he make a glorious spill of words, only to find that it was all a lie and would leave me to resolve them myself?
I know my expectations were fairly high, possibly to the point of expecting perfection. And that expectation was not met but disappointedly fell short(since there's a lot of buildup to seek perfection and expect a perfect unity).

I know that God is one of love but sometimes it seems like its only me by myself going through these hard times.
I'm afraid to say anything about this to my group otherwise they may condemn me(or view me as unfaithful/betrayal/hateful of God)(there's been a ton of tension regarding who really believes and who doesn't as well as suspicion). These questions are for anyone. But what should i do with these feelings?

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[MOONBEARSPEAKS]

Examine and absorb what you, yourself have written.
Examine and absorb what johngefnir has written.

In purposeful meditation, 'digest' it all and ASK for guidance through Higher Self.
It's all there waiting for you to recognise and accept.  

May your bitterness metamorphose into guiding sweetness and Light. 

[johngefnir]

Hi Kelpp,
I am pleased that you tended to the old lady during her last days. It was good of you, and it was a shame that no one else from your group had the same nature.
From some of the things you say regarding members of your group I wonder at their spirituality and purpose. I would like to know what kind of a group they are. No-one should ever criticise another for their beliefs. A belief system is personal. No-one should ever try to impose their beliefs on another, it is fine to discuss a persons views and beliefs. It is not fine to tell someone they are wrong!
When you here these big evangelical speeches on stage and the internet, remember who is saying the words, a mortal man, like you and me. Not a God. I don’t want to get involved in a deep religious/biblical debate here, but a Bishop once told me, ‘Remember John. The Bible was written by man, for man.’
What anyone, including me, says is our belief and interpretation of Gods relationship with man.
You ask will God help you, the short answer is yes, he helps us all, but not always in the way we expect. Unlike Tobais, in the Old Testament Apocryphal book of Tobit, he will not send an angel to hold your hand and lead you to safety. Help will arrive, but you will have to help him along the way.
Your question about the goodness of God, I suggest you read my post on good and evil.
I am not a big advocate of religion. Religion has caused more hardship and suffering in the world than anything else. Remember both world wars were started and fought by Christians, although through their actions many other races and creeds were dragged into the fight.
I see religion, any religion, at best as culture, and at its worst as politics. This doesn’t mean I have no belief, on the contrary through study and meditation I have turned my belief into knowledge.
I know there is a creator spirit whom we shall call God. I know that you and I, and all men are created in his/her image. It is our spirit, not our body that is in the image of God, we each have that divine spark within us.
Do not be despondent, everyone suffers, but in silence. It is only through hardship that we grow, and God wants us all to grow. He is our father, and like our earthly father he nourishes us, protects us and watches us. He also gives us tasks and trials, he occasionally chastises us and may even give us a slap. But he will never give us something we can’t handle.
Jesus said, ‘Seek and ye shall find, knock and the door will be opened’.
If you cannot discuss these things with your group for fear of recrimination and condemnation then it is not you that’s at fault but your group.
My advice? Leave and find another.
I run a small spiritual group, note the word ‘spiritual’ not ‘religious’. We meet regularly for discussion and practical instruction. I am not a teacher as such, we are all seekers, we learn from each other. We all have knowledge to share. We come from widely different backgrounds both culturally and religiously. We discuss things openly, but never with distain. If someone condemned or ridiculed another member, or brought disharmony to the group I would show them the door!
Everyones view is a valid one, whether you agree with it or not.
Religion can be described as mans search for God, Spirituality is ones relationship with the Divine.
Religion is taught and learned, Spirituality cannot be taught or learned, it can only be discovered.
I hope this gives you something to think about, remember I am not telling you what to do, but I hope I am helping in some way.
There is no wrong path, but we don’t all walk the same path.
A Sikh friend once told me. ‘It doesn’t matter what name you call your God, there is only one God, and he answers to all names and listens to all people’.

[Vast land Traverse]

There is a time and place that we come across people, and band together, when we need it. There are also times, we ourselves need space. A matter of balance.

If you do talk to this younger woman, understand, she has probably been through a lot, and she does not mean to do these things to you (She may want to treat you better), but that she does these things as a reaction to her trauma, and emotions, it is not entirely her fault, most likely, but she did choose the path she took, and it just shows she needs to love herself more.

 This is where space is such a valuable ally. Space allows for you to have self discovery, unhindered by other's opinions. Space removes you from stress, whilst, allowing for others to rethink their life, and do reflection. It is good for us all. Sometimes what we do, is we allow our own emotions in the while, to distort our choices, and this can make us walk away, or make us stay, it totally is circumstantial, this does not mean walking away is the wrong choice.

 It sounds like, perhaps she is unjustified, and you just want peace from all this. And I feel that this would be a good time to tell her how you feel, and then to take time alone, don't be afraid to walk away for the time being, it is not that you do not care, or you don't want to give an effort, look at all the benefits of this action. It is a manner of wisdom, not lack of compassion. Because you know, that you need to take care of yourself firstly, keep balance, and you also know she needs to reflect in life. Let it be.

 As for the old woman, it sounds sad, but I do not have enough information to assess the situation.

 I am going to be honest with you, most of my life, no one has been able to give me the whole truth, or answer my every question, I have felt separate, and alone before, but I figured out, that being alone for a particular amount of time, gives me the chance to sort out my thoughts and clear my head, and that alone, in the secret place, with creator, I have been shown answers no man can give.

So have hope! It gets better! that is a choice too, a choice to desire a better outcome...

 P.s. When I am alone, I walk, usually among nature.